doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
