I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
