Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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