I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
