I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
