I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
