Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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