Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
