why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
