I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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