why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
