U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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