Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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