I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
