she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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