I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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