3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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