oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
