i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
