would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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