Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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