Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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