thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
