I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
