operation harelip BJ is a go
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
