when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
