So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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