u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
