K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Buhtt sex?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
