I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
