jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
