Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
