im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
