just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
