he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
