What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
