Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
