The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
