I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
