i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
