Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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