I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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