I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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