My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
