woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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