If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
