Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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