True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
