You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
