Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
