I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bring money and cleavage
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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